I know I am crazy. Even before Mom's death, I knew something wasn't right. I worried about things that normal people don't worry about, especially as a child. I always was afraid of leaving water running. What if we all drowned? I was worried about candles, rightly so. Then as a teenager, I would worry all day about leaving the blow dryer plugged in or my straightener on. I guess I really realized something was off in high school. I always thought people were plotting against me, or I thought I wasn't liked. I would tell my mom and she would brush it off as if it was normal. I knew it wasn't. My friends would get mad when I accused them of talking about me behind me back. High school came and went and I graduated. I started working with an author as his editor. I even wrote a few short stories and started painting. I was good, and I knew it. Then one evening while hanging out with my boss, I got the phone call. Mom and her mobile home had burned up in a fire. She was gone and I crumbled. I was found in an alley semi comatose. I remained this way for weeks in a psychiatric ward. When they finally let me out, I was taking medications and felt in control. I started hanging out at bars and clubs and would drink endlessly not realizing the effect alcohol had on my medication. It didn't take long until I was sleeping with men and found myself pregnant with Elizabeth. During my pregnancy I had to stop taking medications and all my symptoms returned in a vengeance. I had a hard time and had no help, other than my boss. I really enjoyed his company and one thing led to another and I started having feelings for him. Problem? He was/is married. When I confessed my feelings, he fired me and weeks later I was evicted. Without money, I couldn't buy my prescription and I went into a down hill spiral of self destruction. Poor Elizabeth. No child should have a mother like me and I pray she doesn't inherit anything from me. I was lucky to run into Brandon when I did. I know it may seem stupid to let myself and my daughter stay with a man we don't know, but I had no choice. I knew I needed help and he was offering.
After that night at the festival, I started having some weird feelings for him. I was grateful for his help and after learning his story and my story were similar, I just felt connected to him in some, strange way. The way he held me as I had my attack that evening, made me realize that he cared, too. I knew he was a lot different from my boss, and I knew this could possibly be something real.
He allowed me to paint pictures for his books and after a few months we were really doing good. He helped me get good health insurance and threw a birthday party for Liz and even helped me find a nice school in town for her. I couldn't believe she was starting kindergarten. My baby was growing up and I was falling in love.
"Lu, would you want to go out tonight?" Liz was having her first sleep over with a friend.
"Um? Like a date?"
"It can be a date. It can be too adults that have spent all week working on a book and need a break."
"Oh ok." I really didn't know how to respond, but I really loved my time with him.
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I couldn't help but kiss her.... at every opportunity. She is beautiful. Nuts? Yes!! But so much more than she even realizes. Now, I have to find a way to tell her that I'm in love with her. Yes!! Me!! Poor, broken, Brandon is in love with a women he has known less than 6 months.. Actually, exactly 4 months and 10 days.